Top 2 Reasons We Get in Our Own Way

We’re capable, yet we still get in our own way more times than not. How do we do it? 2 simple ways have become patterns for most of us in holding ourselves back.

First off, the majority of us are introverts. As such, we keep our mind busy focusing on how we measure up to those around us, we seek alone time and we look for the comforts in life – especially having to do with nature, animals and outdoor adventures. All these things keep us centered on reflective vs. social encounters. Again, this is the majority of the population, so this means most of us are prone to the same 2 barrier patterns that holds us back.

Barrier Pattern #1- We stay in our head

When in our head, we miss what’s going on around us. Although we may be phsically present, we may not participate, and without participation we miss the experience of life – whether through relationships or thrilling activity that make us feel “alive”.

In our cars we ruminate over our day, listen to radio stations/recordings/books on tape and find ourselves not even aware of our surroundings. We are in the world but not aware of it. Soon this behavior carries us into the rest of our activities – whether at meals, during meetings, in front of the TV, or even at sporting events. We become complacent, unresponsive, unaware and unmotivated.

No wonder so many of us lack confidence. But we can change this – we can get out of our head.

Getting out of our head means pulling into focus with those around us. It can mean simply observing, taking notice, conversing, reacting yet being fully alive. Getting out of our head may take 10 seconds of courage, yet once we have done so, we begin to get out of our own way while entering the life of others. We reduce boredom, gain clarity, pick up new experiences and discover what we are made of.

Barrier Pattern #2- We dismiss our value

Just last week I led a training on presenting our power, and when I centered the group on recalling their assets, I got many blank stares. I saw that day what I commonly see – people need to be reminded of their value.

With 2 key questions and an activity bringing them into their communication skill sets, several returned to their seats replacing their blank stares with sheer joy! Several people stopped me or later remarked by saying, “I am so excited to remember what I’m good at!”

Mind you, these are folks at least 40 years old – some more like mid- to late- 50’s. Whether we consciously navigate through life seeing only our faults or become cynical and skeptical of our own abilities, it is true of all but the top 8-10% of us that we forget who and what we are.

Spending so much time inward we have volumes of reasons for why we are not good enough, so much that we deflect compliments and recognition. If any soaks through our negativity, soon it is replaced with our own perceptions and back we are to deflated egos.

Yet, we can replace this thinking by really listening to folks who see our golden abilities – yes, these people are all around us, if we get out of our heads to notice. They not only give us good words, they reach out to share their warmth and fueling energy. When we are willing to notice, we get refueled – pumped up, if you will. Just as we are meant to be, so we do what we are supposed to do with our assets.

Start paying attention to the value of others and let them pay attention to and share yours. Turn off the radio, the tv, the computer and get out of your head and into the present. You will begin to enjoy life, get connected and soon find yourself really moving forward.

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On April 15th, 2013, posted in: behavior, confidence, courage by